I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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