HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize