a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
