what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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