So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
