Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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