Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize