$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
