every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
