You work out of a Hotel?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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