Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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