A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
