ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
my liver is dry heaving
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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