Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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