i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
