I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
