No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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