six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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