you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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