Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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