Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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