How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
