Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
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So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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