my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
