there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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