You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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