i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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