God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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