I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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