I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
