I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize