Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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