My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
