You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
