I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
