thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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