I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
