last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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