I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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