I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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