i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
