Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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