I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
