why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
