so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
