the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
