and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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