Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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