I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
