CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
