Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
