you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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