It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize