Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
