it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize