I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
