So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
