So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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