I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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