Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
