I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize